As mentioned in a previous post, we started our TTC journey in March 2011. I was one of those clueless girls who thought I would get pregnant (pg) right away. Now, I wasn’t expecting it to happen that very first month, but I was convinced it would happen within 2 or 3 months. In April 2011, I started charting my BBT and recording all of my data on my Fertility Friend (FF) app…still convinced it would happen in a matter of weeks.
Hubby was all for the “just do what we normally do and wait for it to happen method”. I so am not a sit back and wait type of person! When I want something, I want it now! Ask my mother, she’ll tell you I was born impatient and I haven’t changed. When Hubby gave the ok to start trying, I wanted that baby NOW!! I was reading and doing everything in my power to make it happen quickly. But, it seems as if God is trying to teach me a lesson in patience.
Each month, I would get anxious and nervous and start testing with internet cheapies (IC) by 10 dpo – convinced that I was pg and had all these “symptoms” that proved it! I quickly discovered most of my so-called “symptoms” were a figment of my imagination or easily contributed to something else.
The BD marathons were fun, in theory. Not so much in practice. Don’t get me wrong, the BD’g was fun. But all of the spontaneity and fun was gone. Dare I say it? We. Scheduled. Sex. If Hubby was in the mood and it wasn’t close to my fertile time, I felt like we were wasting that time.
There was one month (last month) where I tried to get him to BD everyday for a week…a very stressful week for him at work, mind you. By day 4 of that particular BD session, he was tired. He made the following comment, “I know we need to do this to have the best chance possible, but I’m really stressed and tired, so can we make this as quick as possible.” OUCH! That was a stab in the heart! He didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but it did.
That was last month (August 2011). So, when AF showed her ugly face at the end of the month, I took a day or two to really think things through. I sat down and talked to Hubby and told him I think we should take a break for the month of September. He is so sweet and caring; he’ll do anything I ask him to. His only concern/criteria was that when the end of the month comes and I get another BFN, I can’t be upset – because, hey, we weren’t trying, right?
This pretty much catches us up to today. I am in my tww for September. AF is due in 3-4 days and I sit here just waiting for her to show her face so we can move onto cycle 8.
My DH and I have been TTC for about 18+ months. I have PCOS and don't ovulate on my own, so our road is pretty rocky to get pg. I'm on my 5th cycle of Clomid and this is the 3rd cycle I've actually ovulated.
ReplyDeleteTwo nights ago, DH tells me that during BD his mind has started wandering and thinking about what he has to do the next day, etc. It was just a throw away line, but my goodness it stung to hear. I thought only us women were allowed to think of other things during sex and when we do, it's usually because we're not totally into it. I don't think he realises why telling me that makes me feel like a bad lover and a wife who pushes BDing onto him.
Until then, I thought BDing was enjoyable and not a chore like it ends up becoming for so many TTCers. Now I feel like, why bother pushing for it or trying. It's obviously not that interesting for him right now... I'm supposed to O tomorrow... *le sigh*.
End rant.
I completely understand the sting you feel! I hope you can find a way to make BD with your DH fun again and not so much of a chore. That's my goal for us too. GL!
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